Originally Posted By bestof80s

Originally Posted By movieoftheday

movieoftheday: Sixteen Candles, 1984, director: John Hughes. Starring Molly Ringwald, Michael Schoeffling, Anthony Michael Hall, Justin Henry, Haviland Morris.

Plot: Sam Baker’s (Ringwald) 16th birthday should be perfect and memorable, but her whole family is so preoccupied with her older sister’s wedding that they completely forget her big day. But catching the eye of Jake Ryan (Schoeffling) would make everything better for Sam in writer-director’s John Hughes classic 1980s teen-angst comedy.

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[Caroline is very drunk]

Caroline:

Who's he?

Jake:

That's me.

Caroline:

Who are you?

Jake:

I'm him.

Caroline:

Oh, ok.

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Molly Ringwald, John Hughes, Michael Schoeffling

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[Jake rings doorbell at Samantha's house]

Long Duk Dong:

Okay. I'm comin'.

[opens closet door]

Long Duk Dong:

Hello? Jeez, this place is so confusing. Okay.

[opens front door, screams and shuts door]

Long Duk Dong:

Go away! I call F.I.B. I call police! Go away!

Jake:

Open the door.

Long Duk Dong:

No way, Jose!

Jake:

Open the door.

Long Duk Dong:

You beat up my face.

Jake:

You grabbed my nuts.

Long Duk Dong:

[looks through frosted glass on door] Is that you?

Jake:

Yeah, that me.

Long Duk Dong:

[opens door] Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you my new - new-style American girlfriend.

Jake:

Forget it, man. Just get Samantha, all right?

Long Duk Dong:

She not here.

Jake:

Don't jerk me around, man. Where is she?

Long Duk Dong:

She got married.

Jake:

What?

Long Duk Dong:

She at the church. She getting married to oily bohunk.

Jake:

Married?

Long Duk Dong:

Married.

Jake:

Married?

Long Duk Dong:

Yeah. Married

[closes door]

Jake:

[turns around, under breath to himself] Married?

Long Duk Dong:

Married! Jeez.

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The Geek:

[noticing the car Jake puts Caroline in] This, uh, this your car, Jake?

Jake:

No, this is my dad's car. You said you couldn't drive a stick.

The Geek:

This is a motherfu - ! This is a Rolls Royce, Jake.

Jake:

So?

The Geek:

SO? So? I hear the grill ALONE costs five grand on this. Five grand! You have five grand? I don't have five grand!

Jake:

Then don't hit anything.

The Geek:

[incredulous] Ha ha! Don't hit anything

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Jake:

I do independent study with her. I catch her lookin' at me a lot. It's kinda cool, the way she's always lookin' at me.

Jock:

Maybe she's retarded

Jake:

I'm being serious, ok. She looks at me like she's in love with me.

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Samantha:

Thanks for getting my undies back.

Jake:

Thanks for coming over.

Samantha:

Thanks for coming to get me.

Jake:

Happy Birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.

Samantha:

It already came true.

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Jake:

You better not be dicking me around. It'd be a major downer to try and get together with this girl and find out that she really does think I'm a slime.

The Geek:

Jake, would I dick you? Let me put it to you this way, what happens to me if I dick you?

Jake:

I'll kick your ass.

The Geek:

Right! So why would I lie? But I feel compelled to mention to you, Jake, that if all you want of the girl is a piece of ass, I mean, I'll either do it myself, or get someone bigger than me to kick your ass. I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me.

Jake:

I can get a piece of ass anytime I want. Shit, I've got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.

The Geek:

[almost chokes on a pretzel] What are you waiting for?

Jake:

I'll make a deal with you.

[holds up the panties]

Jake:

You let me keep these, I'll let you take Caroline home. But you've got to make sure she gets home. You can't leave her in a parking lot somewhere. Okay?

The Geek:

Jake, I'm only a freshman.

Jake:

So, she's so blitzed she won't know the difference.

The Geek:

Jake, I don't have a car.

Jake:

You can take mine.

The Geek:

Jake, I don't have license.

Jake:

I trust you.

The Geek:

Jake, I'd love to... I can't.

[holds out a bowl]

The Geek:

Want a pretzel?

Jake:

You sure?

[takes the bowl and sets it down on the counter]

The Geek:

Positive.

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Jake:

[Jake is now holding Samantha's panties] These are really hers?

The Geek:

Yeah.

Jake:

How did you get 'em?

The Geek:

She gave 'em to me.

Jake:

Did you...?

The Geek:

No! She cranked for you. I told her you asked about her, right? The girl freaked. She had a hissy. She thinks you're the cats meow!

Jake:

Really? She came up to me in the gym tonight. She looked at me like I was a leper.

The Geek:

Girls will do that, Jake. You know? They know that guys are like in perpetual heat, right? They know they shit, and they enjoy pumping us up. It's pure power politics. I'm telling you.

Jake:

I thought she hated my guts.

The Geek:

Games, Jake. Silly torturous games. You know how many times I've gone without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Any halfway decent girl can rob me - blind! Because I'm too torked up to say no. It's heinous, I'm telling you.

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Jake:

Happy birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.

Samantha:

Well, it already came true.

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